he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
