dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
