where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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