Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
