Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
