with your own penis?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
