If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I touched a dick in church today
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
