If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
