Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
