I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
