He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
