You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
