A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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