There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize