Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
