Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
