I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
