I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
