Someone shit on the floor
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
