I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
