he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize