I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
