and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
