Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
