yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
