can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
