Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
