I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just invented taco cereal.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize