He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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