His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
