I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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