guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
