Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
