I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
