he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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