yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
