Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
