look no pants
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A+ Viking dick
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
