Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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