My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
