Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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