I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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