oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i would punch a child for taco bell
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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