Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
