my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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