she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize