atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
