ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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