I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
