Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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