Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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