ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
