Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
