He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
