sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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