His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
