Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
