Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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