I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
