Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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