Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
