Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
