How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
