Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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