I wanna passion pit in your ass
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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