Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
