whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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