I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
