I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
