It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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