Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
