her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do vagina's smell?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
