I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
