then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
