I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
