textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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