sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
