It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
