my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
