rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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