Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you traded sex for a burrito?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
