the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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