pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
