Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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