I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
