becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
