We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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