I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
