He disabled his match.com account in front of me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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