your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
