Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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